What God's Revealed...

God has given us free will to live as we chose, but we deal with the consequences of our actions. When I fell into the dark hole of my eating disorder, I was living and believing lies that had me trapped. I lost everything - my health, my joy, my enthusiasm for life, trust from my family and friends, I lost respect, relationships, my dignity, I lost myself. But somehow, through it all, I found God's grace and unconditional love. He promised he would never forsake me, and He didn't. God was patiently waiting, with His arms wide open, for me to stop resorting to the disorder that held me captive, and to turn to Him in complete surrender. In Romans, God talks about working for the good of those who love Him, and I know that even in my darkest moments, God has a plan to make something out of my circumstances that will ultimately bring Him glory. I pray that throughout my recovery I glorify Him, and let Him radiate through me and my growing faith. I have lost so much, yet I have gained a great deal as well. I've gained strength, Truth, humility, compassion, patience, perseverance, and passion to help others who feel like they've lost themselves. You will be found, for God knows exactly where you are and He will meet you there.

Making It Happen

When I envision the person I want to be and the things I want to accomplish, I often get really discouraged at how far I have to go to get there. Feelings of hopelessness and shame only pull me further back and away from my dreams. When I am so focused on the destination I miss out on the journey of life and all it has to offer. God has already equipped me with everything I need to follow His plan for me, all I have to do is sit back and let Him take me on this ride. There are many bumps along the way, and the path can seem scary at times, but the good Lord knows exactly where we're going and He's really the best driver to have behind the wheel. I've learned that when I try and take control, I end up getting pulled over or in a big accident. I still struggle everyday to want to go my own way, but God gently reveals to me the real joy of living in the Truth. The starting point for the new me is in being willing to surrender my own agenda and being open to change. I must continually turn to God for answers and stay faithful even when I don't find what I'm looking for. For He has what I need and will deliver in His perfect time. I may not look the way I want, or feel the way I want, of have everything I want...but even if I did, I would probably not be as happy as I imagined - God knows what I need and He will always provide. He even blesses me in ways I would never expect, or even miss if I'm too caught up in myself and my selfish desires.
"You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result."-- Mahatma Gandhi
"You may be changed by what happens to you, but you don't have to be reduced by it." -- Maya Angelou

Long time, no talk!

Hi everyone! I'm SO sorry I haven't been updating my blog - I have been trying for a long time but I forgot my username and password and it was a mess trying to figure it out so that I could access my own blog again. But it's all good now, and hopefully I'll get the hang of this soon.
This summer I'm taking some classes at UNI to catch up since I took last semester off. Although I don't have any class in June, so this month I'm spending some quality time at home with the fam. My goals for this summer are to get A's in my classes, get my new house fixed up in Cedar Falls, learn some worship songs on the guitar, continue counseling and treatment exercises, and to finish my scrapbook of 2006. I know it's a lot, but it's motivating, and if I don't get to it all it's not the end of the world. The Lord is continually teaching me that each breath, each moment, and each day is part of a journey and I need to slow down and enjoy the ride to the fullest. Because, in all honesty, whenever I try to take control and do things my way, my life becomes a big mess. But if I sit back and trust God to guide me in the right direction, even when I'm seriously doubting it, things always turn out for the best in the long run. So, I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on :)

My year so far...

I'm taking this semester off of school at the University of Northern Iowa. I was in Arizona until February and missed the first month of classes, so I'm just going to return back to school for the summer term in May. Right now, I'm living at home with my parents in Ankeny. I'm working on various things, doing bible study, learning to play the guitar (very slowly), volunteering at the elementary schools and possibly getting a job as a teacher's assistant. I keep myself pretty busy, and mom loves the fact that I'm home now so she doesn't have to cook dinner all the time when she gets home from a long day at work....she gives me chores to do which I don't mind. My mom, sister, and I will be going on vacation to Orlando, FL next week, so I'll have to put up pictures from that when we get back. I may get to see some friends while I'm down there and maybe even some family too! Love it!!!